Posted by Exile on May 21, 2006
I am the victim of illegal immigration. Yes, my own piece of the world has been invaded by an unauthorised being that is now happily living in my garden. Uninvited, unwanted and definitely persona non grata on my property. He moves around constantly. He digs up my garden by night, mostly my lawn. It used to be a nice lawn. Flat and well kept. Now it looks like the Somme in 1916. He is a cunning enemy. He has defied all my efforts to trap and kill him. He pays no rent. He gives me nothing but headaches. I now have the greatest respect for him. He is called TALPA EUROPAEA. The common european mole. He is my new “raison d’etre”.
He moved in about a year ago, in my little 206 year old property in the other end of Denmark, some 150 Kilometres from where I usually live. I bought the house as a weekend retreat for myself and my all too busy wife. The garden was lovely and the lawn was great. Right out of “Wind in the Willows”. So is the mole.
Our neighbour is a farm. We are surrounded by wheat fields. When the farmer ploughed his field, the mole, having been disturbed, moved into my lawn. Cunning little beasts, they recognise a trap at once, digging round it to avoid it. They make many burrows and tunnels to confuse the enemy. You never know which one they are currently using. They do not come up to the surface. You never see them. You see the damage they can do, but never the mole. It is breeding season for moles now, so my mole is apparently feeling the need to show that he is a big strong mole. The digging activity is absolutely astonishing. Show off.
How do moles get together? They live underground. Do they have a mole dating service or something? I mean, how do these solitary subterranean creatures meet? The odds against a hot mole date are enormous. And who finds whom? Is it the male mole that goes out and finds a mate or the other way round? I wish my mole would take a night out on the town and stay out. Hell, I’ll even pay for the mole beer.
I will get the little illegal interloper. I will. It is only a matter of time and perseverance. If nothing else works, then I will outlive him and dig the whole damn lawn up and replant it over his dead carcass.
Until then I will continue to try and trap the furry fellow, or poison him with prepared worms, or plant mole mines, or shoot randomly into the lawn with a gun until I hit him.
You may have the upper hand now mole, but hear this: I have declared war on you.