On the Wing

Flying in the face of widespread left wing extremism!

Me and Global Warming.

Posted by Exile on April 6, 2007

“World climate experts have issued their bleakest forecasts yet on the effects of climate change, predicting that it will inflict damage on every continent but hit the world’s poor disproportionately hard.
In a 1,400-page report, the UN’s Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) warned that almost a third of the world’s species could be wiped out by global warming”.

So says The Times of London. And the IPCC. Oh dear. We’re all going to die. We’re doomed!
Well, we all knew that from the beginning and if you didn’t then we need to discuss the inevitable mortality of all the species in the world including the human race.

The report must be a marathon piece of reading material in itself. 1400 pages. Easily digested I presume. Who could possibly read 1400 pages and remember the salient points in such a document. Have you ever read “War and Peace”? It’s a bit like that.
Think of the amount of trees that have to go to produce the paper that the report is printed on. I’ll bet there are more than one copy…
Save the rain forest?

Here are some “salient points” to consider.

“The poor will suffer most”, is one conclusion. OK, tell me something new. The poor always suffer the most. That is logical and expected. They can’t afford to pay for improvement of their situation. If they could, they wouldn’t be poor. They may be afterwards, but that is another story. But hang on, aren’t they suffering most right now? Oh, nothing new then. Status quo.

“The worlds temperature has risen 0,7 degrees (Celsius) in the last 100 years”. Well, that would explain the savings I just made last winter on my woodpile. Time to get the swimwear out in December. And of course, the entire arctic circle will melt if it rises from minus 45 degrees to minus 44,25 degrees, won’t it? No. Ice forms at 0 degrees. There’s a long way to go to get to that point. About 4500 years at the present speed by my reckoning.

“25% of all the species of animals will go extinct”. Really? I hope that mosquitos are among them. And that may well be so. See, the places where they breed most are going to be hit by massive and long lasting drought, according to the report. Mosquitos need water to breed, so I’m cool on that one. Does this mean that the prediction that “malaria will spread” might just be wrong? Can’t have it both ways, can we?

I could go on. But I won’t. I have learned to accept global warming. In fact, I use it to my advantage. When my wife tells me to dig the garden and remove the weeds, I tell her that what goes on out there is the result of global warming and there is nothing I can do about it. The weeds are here to stay. “Oh dear”, she says, and leaves me alone with my pipe and scotch in my favourite armchair to contemplate the end of the world.

Personally, I don’t believe the boffins. I don’t subscribe to the doomsday predictions. The worlds temperature has gone up and down for millenia in the past. Why on earth should it not do so now? Explain the ice age. What about global cooling? Or was the ice age a result of global warming that happened prior to the big freeze? Or just a natural fluctuation? No-one knows for sure. None of them. So why not let nature take its course and deal with it as best you can? Stop wasting money on things that can’t be changed anyway.

I just realised something. University types, listen up! This is crucial to your studies and your further careers.
If you need money, set up a study on something you feel a bit passionate about. Like earthworms, for example. Don’t apply for the money to study earthworms. Just apply for the cash to study the effects of global warming on earthworms.

That ought to bring a pile of money home.


3 Responses to “Me and Global Warming.”

  1. c said

    It’s the average temperature they are saying, not everywhere going up that amount. I guess it means that sometimes it’ll be 120 in places or more and that’ll influence the average. It’s not good for it to get that hot, I hate it when it’s that hot, last summer sucked being 115 here where I’m at. So it’s at least annoying to say the least, but I guess we could all live in caves and not have to pay the air conditioning it’ll cost when it jumps like that.

  2. No Apology said

    Yeah, I was thinking of applying for a grant to study the effects of global warming on the sexual preference of earthworms. Think that would pass muster?

  3. Exile said

    No apolgy..
    That’s the spirit..

    I thought of applying for grant to study “the effects of global warming on scotch production…”

    There’s nothing like combining work with pleasure!

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