On the Wing

Flying in the face of widespread left wing extremism!

How to Beat the Recession

Posted by Exile on December 6, 2008

I’m sure by now that we’re all pretty clear over the situation in what we laughingly call the global economy. As if the globe ever had an economy as such. It’s in what money people like to call recession. I have bad news for them. My economy has been in recession for years but I’ve learned to live with it. This global recession is going to hurt a lot of people, me included, and therefore I am looking at new ways to improve my financial well being. I think I may have come up with something. It’s a plan so sneaky, you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel.

See, we all know that global warming is worrying a lot of people, even though it seems to have stopped and has very little to do with any and all human activity. We all also know, that if one incorporates a green element in anything these days, money will come rolling at it like melting snow down a mountain in avalanche season. People, even poor people, will consider throwing hard earned money at anything that will reduce the amount of CO2 gathering in our industrially violated and over heated atmosphere and thereby save the planet. Recession or not, this is pretty much fact. Unlike man made global warming, which isn’t. And so, I have the basis for a really good scam environmentally sound project that will help me millions. It involves trees and virtually no expense to set up.

This is what you do. Create a website. Offer to plant trees in some remote part of Africa on behalf of both the environment and starving millions of children who have no clothes, parents or trees to climb. Include pictures of these famished and impoverished children in a desert landscape with no trees. Point out that their misery is caused by man made global warming and only man made global warming, which is, of course, our fault and that we are responsible for their plight. Also, make a strong case for trees as a way of reducing the man made and evil CO2.
Include a selection of trees available for planting. The trees must be available in varying price ranges so that even the most destitute can afford one. Hook it up with Paypal or something similar to get easy payment.
Have pictures of a plant nursery in Africa with loads of baby trees just waiting to be planted. Explain that planting trees costs money and that the money people donate will ensure that their very own tree gets put into fertile soil and will be taken care of by highly trained orphans who now have food, clothes, a job for life and are otherwise benefiting from this fiscal support while dramatically reducing levels of CO2.

Then sit back and let the cash roll in. Ha, I hear you say. It can’t be done. Nobody would fall for that one. Well, here’s where I got the idea and they’re going for a billion dollars, one dollar at a time. Who’s laughing now then?

If that doesn’t work, then apply for a United Nations grant to help you study “The effects of man made global warming on the failure of tree planting schemes to generate extra cash flow in the private sector”.

Either one should be an earner…!


One Response to “How to Beat the Recession”

  1. Mikael said

    On my cable there’s a channel called The God Channel doing exactly that. “One Million Trees” to be planted… well, somewhere, the producers are rather vague on that point. Send in some of your hard earned money and get your 1.5 seconds of fame as the hosts enthusiatically mentions your name.

    Guess that’s why God created TV. He was short on cash.

    But one billion trees is an even better scheeme. You’ll have to top that with one trillion trees. Do you need a partner?

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